The end of the semester is upon us and that means projects. My interpersonal relationships professor, Dr. C, asked us to do a project in which we reflect on the year and our own personal growth in the class. We could do anything except for an essay. So I did this. Really thankful for all God has taught me in this class.
i got to do a spoken word for a school project. i love college.
I’m so overwhelmed by the friendships I have here. I’m so overwhelmed by the encouragement and truth these ladies pour into my life. I feel so limited in my ability to love them. But I’m learning a lot about Jesus and his love for us in that way. And how awesome it is that he loves us in such an unlimited way, always, forever. And how he sees us. And how some days I feel like I can see people as he would see them and other days I don’t at all. And then I just get sad that Christmas break is coming because I won’t get to be around these dear dear friends for six weeks. And then I get happy again because we get to be friends for eternity and that’s the best news ever. But I’m just impatient and eternity feels so far away and I just love my friends a lot.
There’s a lot of reading in college and I’m learning and it makes me think. The goal of a lot of churches, at least on the outside, seems to be to get people into Heaven. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about people getting into Heaven. I’m all about hanging in eternity with Jesus and the body of Christ. But I think we’ve forgotten about the importance of getting Heaven into people.
I’m learning that it doesn’t actually mean that much. To be a grown up. I mean, sure, they have a lot more responsibility. They’ve lived longer and they have more life experience. Once you turn 18 you’re considered to be a grown up. I’m a grown up. And let me tell you, I don’t really feel grown up. I still feel like me. Being grown up ins’t an automatic switch that gets flipped. Grown ups are just older versions of you and me. This is kind of scary. I think I believed that when you got older and become a grown up personal problems went away. Insecurities don’t necessarily go away. You don’t stop being afraid. You don’t stop feeling all of the yucky things you might feel. You still have plenty of problems to deal with. My expectations of grown ups have always been so high, same with my expectations of parents. They should know what’s right and wrong and how to be a good mom or dad or how to be respectful and how to deal with money and know they are valued and act like it. But they are humans too. My mom is a human. She gets sad sometimes and jealous sometimes and sometimes doesn’t always know how to feel those things. And maybe that’s our fault for expecting so much of her. It just seems kind of messed up. Grown ups are still people. It’s weird to think that essentially I am the same person now that someday might be married and might have kids. I’m still going to be me and they are going to put this baby in my arms and say “take care of it” and I have such a huge role in who that baby turns out to be as a grown up and how well they take care of the baby in their arms someday. In some ways it seems like we are all permanently Jr. Highers. Kind of awkward and not sure what to do and wanting a lot of love. I don’t think that changes when you turn 18 or 37 or 64.